Mastering the Dance of Shiva?

Hold on for a sec while I stop laughing.

So at least a couple times a month someone sends me an email that says, “What do I need to do to master the Dance of Shiva?”

Or sometimes they just report that they’re trying to master it. Or thinking about trying to master it. Every once in a while they actually apologize to me for not yet having gotten around to mastering it yet.

Okay. I really only have one response to that.

Master the Dance of Shiva? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Cough. Hack. Sputter. Good luck with that.

Since there’s no good way to say that in an email — and, really, it’s not very nice anyway — I do the next best thing, which is to tell the truth.

You don’t master the Dance of Shiva.

Dance of Shiva masters you.

What am I talking about?

This isn’t karate where you get your black belt and you’re done. Or at least, you’re at the top and you understand what it’s about.

This isn’t ballet or something. You don’t master anything. There is no done. There is no “Hey, I’m at the top of the mountain.”

You will NEVER, EVER be able to do Level 8. And if you do? It will never end.

The most you can hope for, reasonably, is to eventually be oh, where I am right now. In other words, you’re here:

Where you can do Level 7 very, very quickly.

Where you can invent sublevels for other levels.

Where you understand enough of the theory to know that your brain is constantly being restructured but that really, you don’t know anything about anything.

Where you know that you are only a beginner and that this thing is so much bigger than you that the idea of mastery is the most irrelevant and absurd thing imaginable.

Where you constantly feel like a moron, but like yourself anyway for trying.

And, given that it takes some people years just to get past Level 1, maybe you’ll never get to this place that I’m describing. And that’s okay, too. Seriously. It doesn’t matter. I will love just as much anyway.

I know that might seem kind of depressing, but it doesn’t have to be.

Let me tell you what I know of Dance of Shiva, given that it’s been regularly kicking my ass for several years now.

• The practice always gives you what you need the most at any time.
• It always gives you what’s missing at any given time.
• It finds your biggest weaknesses and gives you internal resources to work with them, compensate for them and transform them.
• Wherever you are with it is where you need to be. If you’re stuck at Level 1, that’s just where you are. If you’re in a plateau, stay there for a while. As long as it’s hard for you.

That’s a key point. As long as it’s hard for you.

Because it is always, always, always hard.

If it’s not hard? You’re doing it wrong. You need to go up a level and find the challenge again. You need to go get lost again.

Because it is always confusing. If it’s making sense to you?!?!

Again, that’s a sign you’re not challenging yourself enough.

If that thought is sad or frustrating for you, I get it. Man, I wish I could give you a hug right this second.

Think about it like this.

In order to really be able to fly with Dance of Shiva, it’s important to be able to put aside these ideas we have that we’re ever going to be “good at it.” Dance of Shiva isn’t like other things. It’s not about that stuff.

It’s about lots of other things that are very cool, though. Really good things.

Like healing perfectionism. Taking apart structures and systems that don’t serve you. Rebuilding anything in your life. Learning to like yourself with all of your imperfections and screwed up bits.

But it’s not about mastery. It’s not about success. It’s not about getting there. It’s not even about improvement.

It’s about getting deeply, truly, inextricably lost. And then — having no idea whatsoever where the hell you are — meeting yourself there.

And trusting the dance and its infinite wisdom and beauty to haul you out and put you wherever you need to be. Because it will.

Might take a little longer if you’re busy trying to show it who’s the boss. But it will happen.