Ahhhhhh. I just had to hear someone who sounded more knowledgeable than me say that I wasn’t wasting my time. I’ll cross that pattern when I come to it. For now it’s enough just to feel reassured so I can keep practicing.

Nor is an epiphany swooping in to get me out of the pattern of needing that reassurance.

I’m worried about not doing it wrong enough. I’m getting lost, I’m skipping onto the harder thing before I’ve smoothed out the easier thing, and I’ve given myself remarkable permission to keep doing it wrong.

I’m also doing it without the DVD nine times out of ten, because my practice times and places mostly involve bus stops and ducking off into a spare corner at work.

I’m teaching myself what I hope are Lvl 1 transquarters (I haven’t had a chance to check against the DVD yet) and it’s REALLY HARD and making my brain go all fuzzy until I’m standing there with my arms out repeating “Four, one” to myself until I can remember what number comes before four. So that seems like hard enough.

It’s not the crazy windmill flailing, though. Without the DVD I have no idea how to get to crazy windmill, because the way my brain gets confused is it slooowwwwwwwsssss dooowwwwwwwnnnnnnnnn. “Four, one. Four, one. Uh… Three! Three, two.” And I’m off again.

I tried trusting that if I was working at it, it was working, but it’s been several weeks, at least every other day, sometimes more than once a day, and I have felt not one hot buttered epiphany. Do I have to be the kind of lost that involves keeping up with the video for it to work? I find that possibility very frustrating and frightening.

I love (and hate at the same time, you know) so much the challenging part of this work.
It makes more sense to me than any other kind of yoga I new about.

I found the Neil Keleher web (because I have many questions like what is the right sequence to count transquarters, Andrey didn’t explain it in the DVD. And maybe you have not enough time for everybody. And Taos is far from my country and wallet this days, and answers by mail take some time, I know. Plus, I don t like to wait. If I work it when is hot, maybe I can fix it. If I lose momentum, maybe I ll never do it. )

Neil’s approach, even a little different (Maybe more complete, with more patterns. And a more clear and easy way to index the V with letters and H with numbers) looks interesting too.

He have a lovely daughter, Selma would love it. And he links to this site, of course.

I digress.

Making it hard.
Well, thats what my life is turns into when I try to make my dreams come true.

Looks like you’re more of a quick study than you realize – you just internalized that understanding amazingly fast. Very impressive.

Anyway, my wacky superpowers (which I owe to Shiva Nata too, of course!) are at your disposal. :)

@Josiane – Excellent.

And I am also completely excited to meet you in Taos. Very cool.

Hello again, Perfectionism. Nice Embarrassment-and-Regret costume–did I make that for you? If you want, you can come sit in the living room while I try a little Shiva Nata. Or you could just wait outside till I’m done. Either way.

Thank you, Havi, for using your X-ray pattern vision superpower on my behalf!

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And I kind of have to say … sounds like a pattern, sweetie. :)

If it makes you feel any better …

I couldn’t do Level One slow speed “without boogering it up” for SIX MONTHS. So I’m way ahead of you on the horrible. :)

If the point is to be constantly challenging yourself … what if you challenged yourself to not be in regret? Or challenged yourself to let yourself be in regret.

Or challenged yourself to continue to something else (transquarters! level 2!) without having mastered it or even been remotely okay at it.

Maybe your epiphany for now *is* this pattern of being embarrassed about being where you are. And maybe the shift has to do with recognizing that and not having it be the end of the world. Just a thought. Ignore if it isn’t helpful.

@Josiane – ah, the in between part. That’s where the making-it-hard-on-yourself part comes in.

Either do Too Hard followed by Too Easy followed by Too Hard. Or do Too Easy but with an added challenge (exhale, exhale, inhale, inhale) or with closing your eyes or with using your stomach muscles.

Or mix it up and start doing level 2 transquarters for a while and then come back to level 1. I won’t tell. Plus it really helps.

And anyway, it takes a very long time to combine legs and arms so no worries there!

xo
havi

I’m at level 1, and slow is easy, fast with only the arms isn’t too bad, but I’m still messing up a little. I can’t do it fast with the legs, though, and I suck so much at it that I feel like it’s not working at all. What I can do is too easy, and what I can’t do, well… is hard enough that I can’t even mess it because I can’t keep up! So yeah, I’m kind of feeling a bit stuck at this point.

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