Shiva god of destruction, meet a conflicted heart

Conflicted heart? Meet the symbolic power of taking stuff apart.

If only it were that easy.

No kidding. I’d be making introductions all day.

Anyway.

One of the most common things that people tell me (or write to me about) is how conflicted they feel when they think about getting ready to maybe eventually get around to committing to the general idea of possibly eventually starting a Dance of Shiva practice. Whew.

Complicated, no? And also totally understandable.

I hear stuff like …

I’m so attracted to the idea of doing it, and so completely nervous about it at the same time.

Or

My heart wants to do this but my head is kind of freaking out.

Or

I’ve never been so excited and so terrified. Mostly terrified. But I can feel that this is going to help me.

Actually, the absolute best summing-up of this kind of yes-I-want-it-no-I-don’t emotional roller coaster is this sweet, insightful bit right here:

I’m pretty chicken shit of change sometimes. And transformation and things that are going to make me “not me” in terms of my usual identity stories.

And yet at the same time, I want that kind of change because being me in the way I am is pretty painful sometimes. Know what I mean?

Wow. Right?

What a beautiful and hard thing to realize.

If you’re starting (or about to start) a Dance of Shiva practice, nervous is par for the course.

Of course you’re nervous. You SHOULD be. This is some crazy life-changing stuff.

If you’re drawn to it, yeah that’s probably a sign that it’s something you need.

But scared? Absolutely.

Feeling “chicken shit about change”? Oh yeah, me too. There’s nothing scarier.

And there’s also always a lot of heavy symbolic weight and identity stuff in there too.

I don’t want to lie to you – this stuff will mess with some of those perceptions of who you are.

It will make painfully clear some things about your patterns and habits that you really probably didn’t want to know.

You will learn some things you don’t like.

But ideally your Shiva Nata practice will bring you closer to who you are in your heart, you know?

It’s about taking things apart, but it’s also about connection.

So …. whenever you’re ready to start, my duck and I are wishing you lots of support and strength and kindness.

We know you’ll go at your own pace and give yourself love with it because yeah, it’s totally scary.

You’re allowed to be scared. You’re allowed to take your time. And you’re allowed to start. Five minutes a day. Or even five minutes a week.

It can only help.