Sometimes Shiva Nata knocks me over with the way it rings internal bells.
It shows me my patterns and it shows me tiny sparkling moments of TRUTH, and sometimes (lots of the time) I do not like this.
Sometimes it reveals to me the same piece of truth in different ways. Or even in the same way. And I throw it back into the mix, and then am surprised when it pops back out again. That’s a pattern too. Hi, pattern.
Just in this past week Shiva Nata has told me all sorts of astonishing things.
So many things.
For example, that that I have been forgetting about PLEASURE as a door.
Or how DELIGHTING IN PLENTY is a superpower that I can partake in. And, related to that: I don’t have to persist in getting all tangled up in words like “prosperity” or “thriving” (and in my relationship to them) because guess what, delight in plenty.
On Thursday Shiva Nata showed me a way that I was hurting myself without meaning to. On Friday, Shiva Nata showed me a way that my fear of being misunderstood was leading me to be misunderstood.
On Saturday, I saw how something I’d thought was broken was actually a temporary container for the new incoming thing that is replacing it.
On Sunday I learned (again! deeper!) that that buoyancy and grounding are not mutually exclusive.
These all got planted deep. They reverberated through my cells. They were all loving gifts of truth.
Loving gifts of truth…
Loving gifts of truth is not the same as “tough love”, which is not really always love at all.
Loving gifts of truth is not the same as telling someone something because the telling makes you feel better.
Loving gifts of truth is not the same as oh, something like “let’s face the harsh realities”. There are no harsh realities in this gift.
Instead it’s more about recognizing that things in a certain formation or formulation are not congruent and harmonious with the essence of what they’re about.
So they need to reconfigure.
So they need to reconfigure.
Just like in Shiva Nata itself, where everything reconfigures all the time. Each formula allows itself to be broken down into elements and re-formed into the new formula.
Just like the symbolic essence of Shiva-ness: that clean clear destruction/deconstruction of those elements that are no longer working so that new, beautiful organic forms can come in their place.
Today — at the 21st and most-amazing-ever Rally (Rally!), we did this unbelievably intense Shiva Nata class. Intense is not even the word for it. It was extraordinary and glowing.
An outlandishly luscious class. We were subsumed by flames and stuff like that. Shiva was all hey lady, would you like some deconstruction because I can bring it. Like that. I may have broken them.
Or we may have broken everything. But in the most compassionately loving and playful way ever. It was awesome.
And after the class was over and we were all internally reconfigured, I knew (in that fleeting moment) all the truths about all the truths. Including about the loving gift that is being harmonious with the truths.
I have a loving gift of truth to share with my people, possibly you.
And like with many loving gifts of truth, you may not want to receive it. Or not right now at any rate. Either or both of which is okay.
Just know that this is what it is in its essence. A loving gift of a loving truth, available for you if and when you should ever happen to want it. Here it is:
There are so many things that are deeply important when leading a group of people in Shiva Nata and shivanautical deconstruction.
Sovereignty. Autonomy. Spaciousness. Delight. Presence.
Most of all, is vital that people need to come to Shiva Nata with me already knowing that they are entirely in charge of every aspect of their own experience.
It used to be that people would come to my trainings and over the course of studying with me they’d figure that out.
They would realize, eventually, one realization and sparkling epiphany after another, that I am not the authority. That there is no authority.
There is you and there is Shiva Nata. There is you and your deep, beautiful internal wisdom and knowing, which gets revealed through doing Shiva Nata. There is you and your patterns and your relationship with the patterns. And whatever comes up you give back to Shiva Nata and it gives you the next piece. And then you do Shiva Nata on that.
There’s more to this. It’s pretty hard to explain.
Reconfigured and reconfigured again.
The point is, people used to come to me and they would learn this beautiful thing (yay!).
They would first understand and then internalize this understanding that their own body/brain/heart is the thing. Their suchness. And their relationship to their patterns and their own reconfigurings through Shvia Nata. THIS is the thing.
Not me, not my opinions, not my answers, not my guidance.
And now everything has shifted. Because now in order for us to do the shining everything-is-different-and-better-now work and play that we do, I need people to come to me already knowing this.
The way I used to teach where the realization happened during the training is no longer a sovereign, viable or harmonious way for me to teach.
Reconfigured. This is my truth.
The next part of the gift.
This is the beautiful and challenging understanding that Shiva Nata has been steadily delivering to me over the past several months.
And each time I have not wanted to receive it.
But it is my truth, even though it took me several months of arguing with it before I could see the part about how this was a) a loving gift to me, and b) a loving gift to my students and my people, whom I madly adore and am devoted to.
Because of this huge understanding, I am putting off Shivanauticon for one year.
Over the course of this year I will be putting together the materials that I believe are necessary to be able to show up (whether physically, which would be awesome, but really more emotionally-mentally-energetically) for the type of teaching that I am ready to do now.
Teaching isn’t even really the word for it. It’s not transmission either. This is so beyond teaching. It’s about radiance and autonomy and flow. It’s about harmony and congruence. It’s about people being so completely there with themselves that they cannot possibly let anyone else be a false authority in their lives.
It is big and important and I am going to figure out how to explain it.
Where do we go from here?
We will have ways to prepare for the adventure.
We will have some online sessions in the winter months.
We will be preparing to open the Shiva Nata studio at Stompopolis, our brand new gigantic space.
And we will practice and play, and then practice and play some more.
We will dance the patterns out and dance them back together again.
With loving gifts of truth.
It will be beautiful.
It will be beautiful, it will be hard, it will at times be confusing and at other times it will be ridiculous and funny.
I will update you with all the details when I have them.
In the meantime, I am glowing Shiva Nata in my cells. I am reconfiguring all the reconfigurations. All of them.
I cried all the tears over the thing I thought I wanted to happen in the way I thought I wanted it, and then I cried tears of appreciation and gratitude for the deep internal knowing that I thought I didn’t want but actually that I want more than anything.
And now I am feeling happy and hopeful and ready.
I can’t wait to do impossible shivanautical magic with you next summer. And maybe at Rally (Rally!) in July or September this summer if you can make it.
You are loved. And this feels like a really vulnerable and over-the-top thing to write in actual words that someone could read but I mean this: you are a loving gift of truth.
Commenting blanket fort.
Things I am receptive to: heart-sighs, pebbles, understandings that have been sparked, qualities.